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User blog:THEJJRAT/Maybe
It was a great morning today, birds were chirping, snakes were rattling, and humans were shooting eggs. It was the National Egg Shooting Day, after all. Father had polished his special wooden stock for his AK-47, just for this great year. Everybody loved it, it was so much fun! Take a pile of eggs and unleash tiny baby bullets into them! What kind of wackjob liberal commie doesn't find that appealing?! A Nazi, that's who! Father had invited his friends from all around the world to join him in his egg shooting. Barack Obama, Bilbo Baggins, Commander Shepard, Skullface, This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the annual Purge. At the siren, all emergency services will be suspended for 12 hours. Your government thanks you for your participation. This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning until 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all. Kkkkkk The Deathbusters are in town, baby! Ready to revive them dead faggots and bring them back to the life they so rightfully deserve! Sorvin Daniel Kkkkk "The hell did you say to my mother?" the dark trooper held Big Smoke by the collar, shaking him around. This made awfully-textured cash dollars fall out of his pants, a stormtrooper snatching it up with his hands. "Stop at once" Father yelled, slicing the darktrooper's arm clean off with his hand. "Open fire!" a stormtrooper yelled, as the darktrooper wailed in agony. A scout trooper on top of a statue shot Father through the brain, instantly killing him. "MOO POOL!" Big Smoke said, upon seeing Father's corpse. "walla poosky" said a stormtrooper who pissed on Father. Father came back to life and instinctively sucked off the trooper, even drinking his urine while singing Sweet Home Alabama. "Ugh" the keshiri moaned, closing his eyes and grabbing Father's head, using it as a pushing-into-genital device. He was currently pissing inside of a strange man from outer space, while at the same time gaining the pleasure that no man has experienced. Father was using this urine to fuel his outer layers, a thick layer of solid Coca Cola that resided in his left kidney. It powered his ant farm, which lived in his right kidney. After about two minutes hours of succ, the stormie unleashed his load (which was purple). He screamed (so hard that it destroyed a nearby planet and made a stormtrooper burst into flames) during his three second orgasm, spewing his mixy into Father's mouthy. Father now regained his sentience, swallowing the purple substance. As his body had no idea what it was, his left arm exploded. He screamed in agony, the stormie still semeninating on his face. Father then had a seizure. "stop" Admiral Thrawn screamed. "yo" Father replied. "What are you doing on Imperial grounds?" Thrawn's minion, Booty Cake, asks. "I, myself, came here in my time traveling device. I gave came to eat the Rebels." "I'm a hungry man" replies Big Smoke, taking a stormtrooper and throwing him in a deep frying machine of wonders. He couldn't believe his eyes. All those years reading about Imperial heros as a kid, always aspiring to be the right hand man of Vader. He always sang Christmas carols about Darth Flax Seed, who was his role model. His mom always bought him stormtrooper dolls, otherwise he would have a hissy fit about Jedi scum or something. She even got him a lightsaber with a red crystal on his 18th, which he broke almost instantly. Lots of tears where shed that day, 17 entire years of working up money for her "little dumpling"...Down the drain. Worse for the kid, since she died of heart failure when he told her he was going to be an Imperial cadet. The very next day. Two years of training in simulation and with airsoft blasters, nightly prayers to Typhojem. Darth Vader showed up at this 20th birthday, cutting the cake with his lightsaber. He let him ride on his shoulders, press his chest buttons, even tell him a bed time story... He was the one to break the news. Keatus Spackball was going to be a stormtrooper, killing rebel scum in the Sith's home world. And now he's fucking deep fried. "what the fuq mayn" Tony Montana said, having just waking up here. "say helo to my litl fren" he says, pulling out a grenade launcher and opening fire at Big Smoke. "Oohhhhhhhhh" he says in slow motion, flying across the area. Suddenly, a UFO appeared and abducted Tony. "say hello to my littel fren" he says to the aliens, pulling out a flamethrower. "I'm here to be a hungry man" Father claimed, turning into a horribly deformed dinosaur thing, giving birth to a rebel. "Wh.. where am I? Are you my daddy? I... Is this what life feels like?" the grown man in rebel armor asks, coming close to his daddy. "fuck you" Father replies, and chomps the rebel, him screaming in agony as he rips him and half, throwing his upper half across the land and swallowing his lower. However, the other half survived, plotting revenge. "You cannot help us on the mission unless you give us quarter pounder blowjobs!" an Imperial officer screamed. "well ok" Father said. His mouth grew the size of submarines and sucked off all the storm troopers (standing in a row) at the same time. A stormtrooper was allergic to blowjobs, so his penis exploded. This also made his entire lower half explode, chunks of flesh and bone flying inside of Father's very long and wide mouth. He screamed in agony, falling on his back and bleeding out. Boba Fett arrived and gave him a respectful burial. The rest of the stormies (and thrawn) Tony montana Kkkkkk "engarde" Josh P. Pooper said, slicing off Hitler's arm in a swordfight. "whats gucci my" " a hot girl said and prepared to f the brave Josh. "BEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKAH" his alarm clack screamed, jabbing a fork in Josh's balls. "ahHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCI" he screams in control, assuming direct agony with the alarm clock and making it explode. All the former events never took place because it twas' a dream. "dammit" Josh hissed. Twas' his only chance to get laid this season. He got up from his bed and fed a dead camel to his pet olive snakes. Olive snakes were bottles of olive oil, but they acted like snakes. He then stretched, yawning a sneaky yawn as he screamed in Russian. He then grabbed his Vulcan minigun and opened his door, heading down stairs. "HOHOHOHO" Josh heard. "what was that" he asked himself. He turned around, seeing a flying sled come at him at incredibly hgih speeds. "WHAD" the sled sliced through him at incredible hgih speds, impaling him and nailing him to a wall. "oops" a fat man with big belly say and the red clothing and the jiggle hat. "Honey, breakfast is ready!" Mother Pooper screamed from below. "oh shit" the big fatty man say. He try CPR to Josh but it no work. "shit shit shit Shit" Santa says, jumping out the window. "OH MY GOD" Father Pooper screams, dropping his plate of eggs and bacon that was for Emily, but Spiderman appeared and saved it like in that one scene. He had encountered the corpse of Josh, nailed to the wall. He dropped to his knees, screaming. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING JESUS HELL WHY WHY DO YOU DIE JODY WHYYYYY" "who is jody" "SHUT UP WEB HEAD IT WAS AUTO CORRECT" Father screamed in anger. He then beat Spidey to death. "DAD STOP" Emily said, pulling out a revolver and blowing his head off. Father was dead, falling limp on the floor. Chunks of brain and bone scattered across the living room. Meanwhile, Rip was feeding his pet xenomorph and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Buttbags, ignoring the carnage below. "What the hell is going on-OH MY GOD!" Mother screamed, fainting in the sight of the two corpses. Emily dropped the gun and sobbed, realizing what she had done. Suddenly, Tony Montana kicked the door down and entered. "say hello to my litel fren" he says, and pulls out a minigun, opening fire at everyone he saw. Even corpses. ________ "Okay, we need a Christmas tree..." Father mumbled to himself, rubbing his goatee. __________ Merry Christmas! Category:Blog posts